To those women who are reading this blog (and to those men who are now reading after the first few words), how many times have you been on a date where ‘your’ man opens the door for you with a warm smile ushering you in? Plenty right (my man doesn’t do so! :O )! and while you may start smiling with the memories of your most recent date where your significant other did so, hold on to the thought before you go any further. Your man might turn out to be Sexist, a benevolent sexist, but a sexist none the less.
Studies by psychologists suggest that there exist hostile sexism and benevolent sexism. Hostile sexism as the name suggests, is hostile behavior of men towards the female gender and feminists regularly label men who display such a behavior as ‘male chauvinist pigs’ (I am sure you get the picture, right? ;) ). These are the kind of men who would always believe that a woman is suppose to do all the changes and sacrifices after marriage, or those who believe that women are too easily offended or that “once a women gets a man to commit to her, she usually tries to put him on a tight leash” (Glick and Fiske, 1996) But benevolent sexism actually turns out to be worse when compared with the hostile version of sexism for women’s cognitive performance (To women out there, do not get disappointed, I promise that there is a remedy ahead that you can use to still enjoy the love of your significant other when he pampers you with opening the doors and paying your bills..). The authors of this research (Dardenne, Dumont and Bollier, 2007), regard benevolent sexism as “insidious danger” leading to a greater insult of the woman. While some women adhere to it and accept it fully which makes it more harmful than hostile sexism, women with benevolent sexist attitudes might perceive safety rules (which are specially designed for women like not going on a long trip alone) justified!
Sexism is a form of prejudice in disguise. Some people might not even realize that they are sexists! The next time you are on a date, try to be vigilant and see if your guy holds doors for others and not just you. If he does open/hold doors for others, he is genuinely caring for you if not well you may want to check other guys! For those of you who might be thinking that why is holding doors such a great deal, 
well then this kind of behavior is also exemplified when it comes to paying bills while living in a live-in relationship or while walking on the side of the road and the guy insists on walking on the side which conjoins the car side or to those who order wine for women thinking that wine is the only alcohol that women like (to women who do like only wine I do not mean to kill your initial buzz when you guy might have ordered it for you on your first date)! Benevolent sexism is grounded in gender stereotypes of women “having” and “expected” to behave in certain way.
So folks, for women it’s time to check out your guy once again and for men, well you might just have the greatest revelation of your life today should you know if you are or not a sexist! ;)
Have a great week ahead!
With great benevolence ;)
Nupur
"While some women adhere to it and accept it fully which makes it more harmful than hostile sexism, women with benevolent sexist attitudes might perceive safety rules justified! "
ReplyDeleteHave you considered the possibility that there are women who actually *like* benevolent (or for that matter, hostile) sexism?
@ Preyas: That is exactly the point that I wish to make here. They *like* benevolent sexism for they still follow the traditional norms of social chivalry, however, hostile sexism is when you conform to the conventional societal norms of giving a lower strata (prejudice in its more prevelant form) to women.
ReplyDeleteAnd I donot disagree to the possibility that there are numerous women who do *like* benevolent sexism!
ReplyDeleteOkay. So the next time I take a girl out on a date, I won't hold the door for her, I won't pay her bill, I won't offer my jacket when she is cold, I won't walk on the 'car side' of the sidewalk, I won't see her into her car/cab/train at the end of the night before I myself go to my car/cab/train, and I won't text her asking whether she got home safely or not.
ReplyDeleteBe that girl for a second and tell me if, prior to writing this blog, you would have considered me to be rude, arrogant, uncaring or just a normal guy?
The problem with thinking on these lines is that women tend to take both sides as they feel convenient. When a guy doesn't let the girl go through the door first (because ladies first), he's an a-hole, but if he pays the girl's dinner bill, he's a sexist pig. That to me doesn't make sense.
@Rishi: Okay, I (conveniently) get your point.
ReplyDeleteIf I am hypothetically your girl for a second, I would have considered you a rude, arrogant, uncaring guy should you have not held the door for another person coming behind us as we went to the restaurant; if you were broke and we wanted something for the house and you would have gotten angry if I paid the bills; if I would have wished to wrap my scarf around your neck; if you would have felt ashamed if I saw you off in your car/cabin/train if we got a mode of transportation; together; if you would not text your guy friend (on of your many guy-nights out and he is one of your best buddies) asking whether he reached safely. Should you be doing these, I am pretty sure that I wouldn't just consider you a normal guy, but a fantastic one!
I am not saying that women don't tend to take sides for convenience once in a while. But then if your woman does take both the sides interchangably (all the while as you seem to suggest) and thinks that you are either an a-hole or a sexist pig, dude my guess would be that the woman is deparately trying to get rid of the guy!
You're attaching conditions to each and every step that I mentioned. That's not what I said, or atleast meant to say. In perfect conditions (as perfect as a normal day would permit), not doing these actions would have been looked at as acts of arrogance. Now that you've written your blog, girls who are influenced by it will think of the guy as a sexist if he had done the opposite of what I said. Both ways, he will be under attack for no reason. Over analysis always hurts.
ReplyDeleteAnd for part 2, I didn't say "a" girl takes both sides. I'm talking about womenkind in general, not specifically my girl or my roomamte's girl. Like I said, the guy will be under attack :)